if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
