We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
