I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
