She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
