im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
