He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
