i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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