I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
