someone threw a dead crab at me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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