Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
