My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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