Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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