i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
