Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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