just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
