I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
