Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
