Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
