i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ttyl tear gas
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
