I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
