He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
