quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
