Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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