well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
