I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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