Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
