do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
