im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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