is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
