When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
