But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
