Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
