Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
