I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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