3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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