She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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