i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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