hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
