it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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