you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
