i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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