Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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