she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
