Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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