He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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