You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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