Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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