Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
