Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
