I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we should paint friendship bongs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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