What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
