How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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