Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
