with your own penis?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
