My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
