hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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