im six kinds of drunk right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
