If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
