he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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