if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
