sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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