apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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