Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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