If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
