I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
