Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
