Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
