There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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