Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
