all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
