Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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