Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize