She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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